After Betrayal from Infidelity, How to Help Him, Her, and the Marriage Recover

Betrayal can come in many different forms:  a secret relationship, an emotional affair, virtual infidelity through chronic pornography use, sexting, or sexual video chats. Some partners who stray into secret acting-out behaviors feel it becomes a compulsion or an addiction.  They tell themselves no more, but find themselves coming back over and over.  Eventually the partner discovers the secrets and this is a crucial crossroad where counseling can be helpful.

Over the past 15 years we have been helping sex addicts, partners of addicts, and marriages recover from problematic sexual behaviors.    We often recommend couples not make any major decisions, especially about the future of the their marriage, for 1 year.  Divorce is a very painful path.  A year of counseling is also challenging in its own way.  Our experience is that out of the pain of betrayal, secrets, and shame, a new relationship can develop.  There are 3 main recoveries that need to occur: First, the partner who strayed needs to understand and address the underlying issues that drove him/her to reach outside the relationship.  Second, the betrayed partner needs a safe place to stabilize the crisis, get clarity about sexual addiction, and set boundaries for what is acceptable and what is a deal-breaker for the marriage.  Third, the couple relationship is damaged and needs attention and nurturing to stabilize and recover.   Recovery works best with a mix of group therapy, individual, and couples therapy.   LifeSTAR Dallas offers three phases of treatment with workbooks for addict and partner to guide you through the process.