Here’s a marriage enhancement activity that we at Center for Marriage and Family Counseling recommend to some of our couples. Now you can do it too. If you do this with your spouse, follow all of the steps, and refrain from criticizing each other during the activity, the end result will only be that you and your spouse feel more loved. This activity comes from Dr. Norman Cobb, a professor at the University of Texas at Arlington in the Master’s of Social Work Department, and a gifted counselor.
It is normal and acceptable for people to ask for what they want and need from their partner. It’s really. The request for a partner’s actions is a “gift.” It’s a “gift” for your partner because it helps your partner know how you feel loved and cared for. It’s a “gift” for you because it will help you receive what you want and need from your partner. The benefits will be reciprocal.
- Independently, make a list of things that your partner could do that would help you feel “loved and cared for.” Items must be:
- Easy and quick
- Free or, at least, very cheap
- Not involve overtly sexual acts
- Easily repeatable
- Exchange lists with your partner and ask for clarifications.
- Take your partner’s list home, place it somewhere you will see it often, and do one or a few of their partner’s requested actions.
- When your partner does one of the actions on your list, notice how you feel, and if possible, share this with your partner.