How emotionally responsive is your partner?: Dr. Sue Johnson’s A.R.E. Questionnaire

Blog article How emotionally repsonsive is your partner pic

This quiz comes from marriage expert Dr. Sue Johnson, in her Hold Me Tight Program. Sue Johnson is the creator of the effective Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). EFT has a huge success rate. EFT works for 75% of couples! At Center for Marriage and Family Counseling, we use EFT in our work with couples. We also hold Hold Me Tight Retreats a couple of times a year, where couples can receive intensive training and therapy and learn to reconnect.

Take this questionnaire twice. First, answer the questions about your partner, about how Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged your partner is with you. Second, answer the questions a second time, but this time, answer the questions about yourself. This tip comes from Becca Jorgensen, PhD., an outstanding EFT Trainer, and Shane’s EFT mentor. Answer the questions again, this time focusing on how Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged you are with your partner.

Alright here is the questionnaire.

Accessibility: From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you?

  1. I can get my partner’s attention easily. T F
  2. My partner is easy to connect with emotionally. T F
  3. My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. T F
  4. I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship. T F
  5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/she will listen. T F

Responsiveness: From your viewpoint is your partner responsive to you?

  1. If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me. T F
  2. My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close. T F
  3. I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure. T F
  4. Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we will find a way to come together. T F
  5. If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it. T F

Engagement: Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?

  1. I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner. T F
  2. I can confide in my partner about almost anything. T F
  3. I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other. T F
  4. I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears. T F
  5. I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner. T F

If your answers show that you and your partner are completely accessible, responsive, and engaged, that would be impressive. Most people find that that is not the case. If you have areas for improvement, come to one of our Hold Me Tight Marriage Retreats or come in for EFT couples counseling. Successful marriage takes work, and we can help you strengthen your marriage.